It\’s Wednesday before the 4th of July, deep into summer vacation for the kids, and I\’m probably on the brink of insanity.
But it\’s fine, right?
The kids are alive. Bored, but alive. And I\’m somehow surviving the throws of running a small business while still working my day job. I mean, I knew this wasn\’t going to be easy, but good Lord. It\’s exhausting, emotional, and everything in between. I can\’t believe I even have time to write on this thing.
Well, that\’s probably why I am writing here today. I need the outlet, to yell to my handful of subscribers (thank you) about how wild we are to be parents and anything else at the same time.
It\’s not all bad, though. I know I\’m incredibly blessed to be able to work at home with the kids and have a fun little business on the side.
But I do experience the gut-wrenching, soul-sucking, paranoia of MOM GUILT! I\’m like, \”give me just a few minutes to finish this work\” and then get distracted watching Owning Manhattan on Netflix for 28 minutes. Then when it\’s time for me to really do what I was supposed to, they\’re beyond impatient. But you know what? I needed those damn 28 minutes before I could finish my work. That\’s all I get sometimes is just a few minutes of interrupted peace throughout the day. Even when I\’m not procrastinating and actually doing important things, I always feel bad asking the kids to give me some time to do it.
I don\’t know that the feeling will ever go away. I\’m always worried they\’ll grow up thinking I didn\’t spend enough time with them or care about them or something.
And then someone (ok, really it was my therapist, not just \’someone\’) made me realize that my generation\’s parents worked tireless hours day and night to provider for us. I\’d like to think we turned out ok, but most importantly, it didn\’t give me the impression my mom didn\’t love me or anything when she was working.
So if you\’re having some hard summer woes like I am, just remember that they\’ll understand at some point that we\’re doing these things to provide for them (necessities and random shit they want). Kids are smarter than us and definitely more intuitive. I think as long as it\’s done with good intentions and we do actually spend time with them when we can, it\’ll be fine.
Good luck and thank GOODNESS for this shortened week.
🪴Ashley
Ashley, I totally agree with you that the mom guilt is hard and ALSO that they will understand why we are doing what we are doing someday. Most days, I feel completely torn between staying home and working but I literally have to work so Idk why I do that to myself. I think it’s just my desire to focus solely on the kids and home like I used to. But I’m determined to enjoy each part of my life!! Hang in there. 🙂
Ah, thank you for that! You absolutely should enjoy it! We are doing the best we can and it’s actually pretty damn good 💕 We just have to stop beating ourselves up sometimes lol